All things must come to an end. That is a reality that cannot be avoided, delayed perhaps, but eventually the time will come to say good bye. This week, my mother was taken to Emergency for complications of pneumonia as well as effects of not being able to eat. Parkinson's Disease has made it difficult for her to swallow anything. She chose not to undergo force feeding via tubes inserted through her nose and into her throat. I am told some patients have to be tied down due to the pain involved. I must abide by her wishes. So for how long will she will last on IV and Antibiotics? Will she be able to regain enough to swallow and take nourishment.
After a discussion with the attending physician, it was decided not to go the force feeding route. So now, I must concentrate on how to have my mother comfortably pass her time away until the end. I will be in consultation with doctors in the Palliative care. I ma grateful for all the care the care taker has provided for my mother and my deceased father. But now, she may not be able to handle aspects of palliative care. Of course that is just one of several options that needs to be considered. I will have to rely on the doctors for the medical aspects. I will need to concentrate on the mental support not only in relationship with my mother but my own self. That is where all the years of Budo come in.
I am grateful for the lessons learned from my Budo instructors and from the teachings of many religious and philosophical leaders. It is giving me strength when I most need it. I find myself returning to my Budo roots to understand and accept the reality of my mother eventually departing this earth. Things I cannot no longer do for her. Things I should have done for her. It is a time for self reflection and self criticism.
For the readers of this blog, I wanted to share this very private matter because it shows that Budo is not merely a "fighting" or "physical" art. We can all "talk' about the mental, moral benefits of pursuing Budo. But at the end of the day, when faced with certain realities, then do you fully realize whether your Shugyo has been successful. Budo is not about gaining gold medals and trophies. It is not about defeating an opponent with a Jodan Mawashigeri or Shitazuki. Those are just a small side trips on the your travel along the main road seeking the true purpose of Budo.
OSU!
